Balance

I never in a million years would have thought I would want to be a stay at home mom. This week I returned to work after a 7 week maternity leave following the birth of my second child. I now have a 23 month old girl and 7 week old girl. Tell those stats to my 23 year old self and I would say there's no way in hell I'd be able to stay home all day with THAT! As I began to make my comments here and there about not wanting to return to work, my husband absolutely LOVED to remind me of that 23 year old self. "Oh how the tables have turned!" With all of the adjustment physically, emotionally, logistically and not to mention hormonally I wasn't about to make a drastic decision to end my career in one fall swoop. Alas, I begrudgingly had to get ready for work. After I fed my youngest and got her snug in her crib for a nap, I sat in a rocking chair with my 23 month old for a few games of peek a boo and singing songs in funny voices. My husband luckily was going to be watching the girls for my first day back since our sitter was out of town. Normally I would have to seek him out to take watch but this time he had to remind me it was time to go to work.. He picked up my toddler and like a scorned child I made my way up the stairs to shower.

Before you get too depressed, this story does have a happy ending. 

As I'm driving into work I started to rack my brain thinking, "What the hell happened to me!?" And then I realized that I had just found another part of myself. Apparently it just took me about 2 years to really get here. 

I got to work, got a beautiful welcome from colleagues along with text messages and calls from family and friends checking in to see how my first day back was going. It was odd is the only way I can describe...somehow living a former life that seemed like ages ago after sleepless nights and diaper changing 24/7 just after 7 weeks.

As I laid back down in bed at 4:30am after a feeding for my tiniest angel, I began to recount the mental activity of the day and realized the excitement I was experiencing from triggering a different part of my brain. I actually did enjoy going back to work! 

...THANK GOD because that would have been rough! 

My point in all of this is to remember that we are not one dimensional. It is ok be the yin AND the yang. We can hold many parts within ourselves. The important and crucial part (for me in particular) is not to lose those parts as we experience new. So for my working moms, remember that it's ok to have that desire to tap into that side of your brain while still wanting to wipe away tears after a bad dream. And for my stay at home moms, remember that you are multi dimensional and deserve to tap into other parts of your brain. 

We all have a right to balance. Don't be afraid to experience your "other selves". It may be terrifying to branch out from what is familiar but it is so worth it.