For some reason, as I was driving home from work last night I had a vivid memory of my childhood. One thing that my parents were very good about was having us all sit down together for dinner. Sometimes this turned into great conversation later in life but early on was pretty much a $h*t show. I was probably in the 2nd or 3rd grade and between 2 out of the 4 of us children, someone started name calling. This could be a fabricated image but I can see both of my parents tiredly spooning dinner and staring blankly out the window. After a few rounds of irritable behavior between my siblings and I, one of my parents, said, "If you're going to insult each other, at least be creative about it." Again, could be a complete fabrication, but I feel as though my brothers and sisters looked at each other confused thinking..."Is this a trick?"
Soon enough, after a few rounds of ridiculous "donkey food" "pig droppings" & "booger face" we were all laughing in hysterics. What could have turned into a screaming match, followed by upset children not eating their dinner, turned into joy and togetherness. I don't remember what was for dinner that night but I can bet that we happily ate our food for the remainder of dinner.
For all of my puzzled siblings, I don't discount that tired screaming matches happened on other night, my parents were human just like everyone else. But for a brief moment, let's give them some credit.
This whole memory got me thinking about a concept I learned in my first job at Directions for Youth and Families working with families in a social work style environment.
Misbehavior = Needs not being met
The memory I described earlier could have been a fluke but I'd like to think there was something behind it. Could it have been that whichever one of my siblings was angry that night (could have been me) forgot how to laugh with my brothers and sister and forgot that these people are my best friends. That need of inclusion may have not been met. Through this creative parenting, the needs of my siblings and I were met by feeling inclusion with each other.
It's easier to recognize this concept in infancy. The babies crying = might be hungry, might be tired, might need attention, something might hurt. Granted, I know there are outliers of cranky babies but you get my point. We tend to forget this later in life. When the 4 year old is hitting, he might be missing his need of learning how to communicate or the need of feeling special. When the 10 year old didn't do her homework, maybe she's missing the need of understanding the information or feeling empowered or confident to complete the homework assignment. Discipline means to teach rather than punish. Challenge yourself to find the missing need and meet that need rather than punish the symptom or the misbehavior.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Guest Post: The Vacation Ramblings of a High Class Bum.
Hi. I am Tom, Kate's Dad and partly responsible for the way Kate has turned out. The vacations we took to Florida around Christmas time were part of that partliness. I have just returned from another successful trip to the Keys with Gretchen (2nd wife) Nick and Emily (step-kids). It was successful on several levels.
First of all, prior to going down, I had read a book called "Essentialism" by GregMcKeowm. Now the motorhome has seen better days and gas prices (except for the recent dip) has made it rather uneconomecal to drive, so I proposed sleeping in a tent. There was a wee bit of resistance to overcome but I am happy to report that it was an overall successfull outcome. We need to take two twin size air mattresses next time instead of one queen and cover them with the mattress topper to eliminate the argument about the firmness of the mattress (my back likes it softer) and in a perfect world I need to engineer a ceiling fan for the tent. But overall, we stayed dry during the one drenching all night rain and the breeze was lovely. We could do NOTHING about the New Years partiers at 330am.
One of the places Gretchen, Nick and Emily visited this year was the Turtle Hospital. It is located in Marathon Key and cares for Green and Loggerhead turtles that are injured by boat propellers or by eating plastic. Gretchen said the stories of the turtles make you never want to buy things in plastic again. They were very interested and sent pics to Anda (Kate's Sister) who was a "Turtle Tech" on Cumberland Island and who once saved Grechen and I from tenting there a second sweltering Georgia July night-part of that resistance mentioned above.
Key West and the street performers were seen by Nick and Emily for their first time. One of the performers has been there for at least 10 years doing the same show. He said "If it still works, why change it?" The show lasts for about 10-15 minutes, he passes the hat and he goes home. He says that he pays 600/mo to the city of Key West in fees (20 bucks a night) I don't know if he has a day job too. He is entertaining. Another show featured a man with a trained pot bellied pig which was ummmm...a bit less thrilling. If I had a sidewalk "talent", I could easily see myself become a high class bum. (I would have a pension)
Gretchen and I did fight on this trip. The book "Unbroken" about Louie Zamparini, a WWII POW, was on the Kindle and the book "Boundaries" was in paperback. I was hogging the Kindle. If you read about Louie and the things he endured you will really have a hard time convincing yourself how anything you are facing is a problem. You will also have a hard time understanding how inhuman we can be to each other.
I find that the more frazzled I become before vacation, the more I want to withdraw on vacation.......from the world. Returning home, we were getting breakfast in the microtel lobby and CNN news was on the TV. Some story about a missing airline and wreckage was playing. It made absolutely no difference in my life other than disturbing my recently reaquired Keys calm. Garbage in, garbage out. We finished eating and headed backed to the car. On long road trips an old duker like me is easily impressed with technology like Pandora, smart phones and automobiles that allow you to play them through your car speakers. So after listening to show tunes, 70's rock and classical music, we put in some Zig Ziglar. There was one road trip when Kate got to listen to Tony Robbins all night. I don't remember anything in particular that Tony said, but Zig said a few things worth repeating. Probably a few things I was guilty of NOT doing enough. He spoke of having to
hoe several rows of beans (8 miles long :) ) as an 8 yr old. He rushed through it and had to have his mother inspect it. She said he had done a good enough job for most kids, but not for her son. He was better than that. He could do a better job. Zig said that she had critisized the performance but praised the performer. He was glad to have learned the difference at a very young age. I am an old duker, but better late than never. That sort of goes along with the other thing he said about anything worth doing is worth doing poorly..........and by that he meant that no one is expert at anything they try doing for the first time.
Zig also likes to talk about prosperity, but I've decided that without understanding, prosperity is over-rated. I have this poster titled What is Life? with 75 or so quotations on it about life and one is from Soren Kierkegaard. Can't say I ever heard of him before but he said "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards". Now I did get an "A" in Logic in college and I think if true, that quotation means that we are pretty much going to be confused our whole lives.
I think the trick is not to worry about it too much.....and if you do worry too much....go to the Keys for a little while.
First of all, prior to going down, I had read a book called "Essentialism" by GregMcKeowm. Now the motorhome has seen better days and gas prices (except for the recent dip) has made it rather uneconomecal to drive, so I proposed sleeping in a tent. There was a wee bit of resistance to overcome but I am happy to report that it was an overall successfull outcome. We need to take two twin size air mattresses next time instead of one queen and cover them with the mattress topper to eliminate the argument about the firmness of the mattress (my back likes it softer) and in a perfect world I need to engineer a ceiling fan for the tent. But overall, we stayed dry during the one drenching all night rain and the breeze was lovely. We could do NOTHING about the New Years partiers at 330am.
One of the places Gretchen, Nick and Emily visited this year was the Turtle Hospital. It is located in Marathon Key and cares for Green and Loggerhead turtles that are injured by boat propellers or by eating plastic. Gretchen said the stories of the turtles make you never want to buy things in plastic again. They were very interested and sent pics to Anda (Kate's Sister) who was a "Turtle Tech" on Cumberland Island and who once saved Grechen and I from tenting there a second sweltering Georgia July night-part of that resistance mentioned above.
Key West and the street performers were seen by Nick and Emily for their first time. One of the performers has been there for at least 10 years doing the same show. He said "If it still works, why change it?" The show lasts for about 10-15 minutes, he passes the hat and he goes home. He says that he pays 600/mo to the city of Key West in fees (20 bucks a night) I don't know if he has a day job too. He is entertaining. Another show featured a man with a trained pot bellied pig which was ummmm...a bit less thrilling. If I had a sidewalk "talent", I could easily see myself become a high class bum. (I would have a pension)
Gretchen and I did fight on this trip. The book "Unbroken" about Louie Zamparini, a WWII POW, was on the Kindle and the book "Boundaries" was in paperback. I was hogging the Kindle. If you read about Louie and the things he endured you will really have a hard time convincing yourself how anything you are facing is a problem. You will also have a hard time understanding how inhuman we can be to each other.
I find that the more frazzled I become before vacation, the more I want to withdraw on vacation.......from the world. Returning home, we were getting breakfast in the microtel lobby and CNN news was on the TV. Some story about a missing airline and wreckage was playing. It made absolutely no difference in my life other than disturbing my recently reaquired Keys calm. Garbage in, garbage out. We finished eating and headed backed to the car. On long road trips an old duker like me is easily impressed with technology like Pandora, smart phones and automobiles that allow you to play them through your car speakers. So after listening to show tunes, 70's rock and classical music, we put in some Zig Ziglar. There was one road trip when Kate got to listen to Tony Robbins all night. I don't remember anything in particular that Tony said, but Zig said a few things worth repeating. Probably a few things I was guilty of NOT doing enough. He spoke of having to
hoe several rows of beans (8 miles long :) ) as an 8 yr old. He rushed through it and had to have his mother inspect it. She said he had done a good enough job for most kids, but not for her son. He was better than that. He could do a better job. Zig said that she had critisized the performance but praised the performer. He was glad to have learned the difference at a very young age. I am an old duker, but better late than never. That sort of goes along with the other thing he said about anything worth doing is worth doing poorly..........and by that he meant that no one is expert at anything they try doing for the first time.
Zig also likes to talk about prosperity, but I've decided that without understanding, prosperity is over-rated. I have this poster titled What is Life? with 75 or so quotations on it about life and one is from Soren Kierkegaard. Can't say I ever heard of him before but he said "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards". Now I did get an "A" in Logic in college and I think if true, that quotation means that we are pretty much going to be confused our whole lives.
I think the trick is not to worry about it too much.....and if you do worry too much....go to the Keys for a little while.
Friday, December 5, 2014
Relationship Self-Esteem
I got to thinking the other day about how my husband and I have been together for 7 1/2 years. I know this is no feat deserving of any medals or accolades but still worth a thought of "how did we make it this far without killing each other?" I have a strong personality and my husband as well so when we've got something to say, we usually don't hold back (which can be wildly entertaining for some).
Through all of that I try to pick apart and analyze how we do make it because aside from the nastiness we throw at each other sometimes, we can find our way back to happy love (far different from angry love or sad love).
I made an earlier post about positive self talk and training your brain to believe that you are worth everything and regardless of what you hear or go through, you can come out on the other end feeling great about yourself. I've said that if my positive self-talk was ever outwardly verbalized I'd sound like the cockiest person alive (but that's the whole point of SELF-talk not real talk).
Anyway, my point in revisiting all of this is that you can also apply those same strategies to your relationship. Nick and I probably sound like the cockiest couple if you heard our conversations. We are constantly acknowledging our ability to talk through problems and vocalize what is on our minds. We pride ourselves on building a friendship inside of our relationship. Anyone out there thinking...well that's just damn fantastic Kate but we're not able to do that in our relationship. Super! Ok not super but that's ok because just like self-talk when building your self-esteem you have to start somewhere.
When Nick and I started dating we established what we wanted our relationship to look like. We didn't want to build resentment, we wanted to be able to tell each other everything free of judgement, we wanted to be able to compromise knowing we were going to disagree. These desires can be established at any point in a relationship. Set a new creed for your relationship! Give it a rebirth! Then something beautiful happens... A self fulfilling prophecy.
There's a promise and an investment in this new creed if you both agree on it. A few months ago I vocalized something that was bothering me that I wasn't feeling supported on. I was met with defensiveness (strong personality :D always fun) but I was able to remind him that this is not how we decided we were going to handle things. I was supposed to be able to voice my concerns and not be met with judgement but rather move towards resolution. (Trick to this is being able to swallow the defensiveness when you're being confronted as well.) With that reminder we were able to get back to what our words reminded us of what we are as a couple and the only way we could have done that is with the ridiculous cocky conversations that happen behind close doors. We don't know what the future holds but if I'm hoping if we focus on the "now", we can get to the future.
There are plenty of other communication techniques that can be worked on and applied but first let's build up the relationship self-esteem even if building on the small things.
So go ahead and fist bump your partner with a reminder that "we got this."
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Therapy "Graduation"
This term was coined by one of my teen clients years ago and it made me chuckle a bit. I never viewed therapy as a program or something to "graduate" from but of course in our capitalist world of competition and achievement, it only makes sense.
Ironically, I don't agree with it. Yes, you can get to a point of feeling good and not feeling to need to process whatever is going on in your world but I don't feel that we ever "graduate" from our life problems. It is one of my favorite moments in the therapy process when a client comes in after 3 or 4 weeks and says, "well, I was sad for a day like 2 weeks ago, and then last week I got a little irritated at a co-worker so I guess I still have some work to do."
Que me, "So, you're telling me that in a 4 week span, you got "sad" for 1 day and then got "a little irritated" 2 weeks later?"
Client looking at me quizzically.
Me: "Sooooo, YOU'RE HUMAN!"
It's so interesting to me to see the night and day transformation from the beginning of therapy towards the end. All of a sudden the standards that are established are perfection. It is so important to keep balance in life. Yes, we need to be aware of what we can improve on and be aware of how we are functioning day to day but we also need to remember that if we aren't perfect in our emotional regulation everyday then we are not failures. WE ARE HUMAN. I emphasize WE because even though I preach, doesn't mean I'm perfect at it either, just ask my mother or my father or my siblings...or my friends...or my husband...oh boy the list keeps going. WAIT! I'm human! As long as we are monitoring how to resolve those moments of emotional dysfunction then we need to forgive ourselves. I'm not saying to cuss somebody out and then say, "my therapist says I'm not perfect and I need to forgive myself so whatever." No, recognize it and resolve it. But don't beat yourself up in the meantime.
We will be forever working on ourselves and that's just as healthy as any "graduation".
Ironically, I don't agree with it. Yes, you can get to a point of feeling good and not feeling to need to process whatever is going on in your world but I don't feel that we ever "graduate" from our life problems. It is one of my favorite moments in the therapy process when a client comes in after 3 or 4 weeks and says, "well, I was sad for a day like 2 weeks ago, and then last week I got a little irritated at a co-worker so I guess I still have some work to do."
Que me, "So, you're telling me that in a 4 week span, you got "sad" for 1 day and then got "a little irritated" 2 weeks later?"
Client looking at me quizzically.
Me: "Sooooo, YOU'RE HUMAN!"
It's so interesting to me to see the night and day transformation from the beginning of therapy towards the end. All of a sudden the standards that are established are perfection. It is so important to keep balance in life. Yes, we need to be aware of what we can improve on and be aware of how we are functioning day to day but we also need to remember that if we aren't perfect in our emotional regulation everyday then we are not failures. WE ARE HUMAN. I emphasize WE because even though I preach, doesn't mean I'm perfect at it either, just ask my mother or my father or my siblings...or my friends...or my husband...oh boy the list keeps going. WAIT! I'm human! As long as we are monitoring how to resolve those moments of emotional dysfunction then we need to forgive ourselves. I'm not saying to cuss somebody out and then say, "my therapist says I'm not perfect and I need to forgive myself so whatever." No, recognize it and resolve it. But don't beat yourself up in the meantime.
We will be forever working on ourselves and that's just as healthy as any "graduation".
Monday, October 6, 2014
The Road to Self Actualization
I was inspired this evening by one of my client's which funny enough she stated, "This can be your next blog!". Congratulations! you've been my inspiration :D
I'm not sure if you know this about me, but one of the largest influences of my life and probably a majority of the reason I became a therapist is because I had an amazing therapeutic experience myself, sitting on the couch rather than across from it.
I remember walking down 17th Ave. on Ohio State's Campus heading to my next class just smiling. I couldn't contain my joy and wanted to call someone. I remember going through my phone trying to get someone to answer. Finally someone answered, my dad, and I said, "Hi!" ...he said "hello"....pause pause...waiting for the purpose of my call. I followed it up by, "How are you?" ...followed by ..."good"...pause pause...waiting for the purpose of my call. And then it dawned on me, that I had finally gotten to a point in my life that I was content enough to get out of my own head and see how someone else was doing. Obviously this was not a typical action on my part considering the confusion of the simple question "how are you?" and there being no other purpose to the call. I don't even know if he remembers this call but it was a very impacting moment for me.
This post may not seem to have much content but it's actually very important. We are covered in layers upon layers of "things" and "plans" and general dysfunction that we can't even see the things that are around us.
I know that every single time I left therapy, I felt a weight lifted and saw things a bit clearer. Seriously, just like the Claritin commercial. Tonight my client had one of those moments and it was beautiful. She was able to see something or be aware of something that she didn't even think was important in the beginning. Just like when you watch a movie or read a book for the 2nd or 3rd time, you notice something different, there are so many things going on in your life that you may not see right now but they're still there.
Do yourself a favor, attempt to clear whatever dysfunction or clouding layers that you may have in your life so that you can see what's around you and maybe even see if somebody else needs some help.
:)
I'm not sure if you know this about me, but one of the largest influences of my life and probably a majority of the reason I became a therapist is because I had an amazing therapeutic experience myself, sitting on the couch rather than across from it.
I remember walking down 17th Ave. on Ohio State's Campus heading to my next class just smiling. I couldn't contain my joy and wanted to call someone. I remember going through my phone trying to get someone to answer. Finally someone answered, my dad, and I said, "Hi!" ...he said "hello"....pause pause...waiting for the purpose of my call. I followed it up by, "How are you?" ...followed by ..."good"...pause pause...waiting for the purpose of my call. And then it dawned on me, that I had finally gotten to a point in my life that I was content enough to get out of my own head and see how someone else was doing. Obviously this was not a typical action on my part considering the confusion of the simple question "how are you?" and there being no other purpose to the call. I don't even know if he remembers this call but it was a very impacting moment for me.
This post may not seem to have much content but it's actually very important. We are covered in layers upon layers of "things" and "plans" and general dysfunction that we can't even see the things that are around us.
I know that every single time I left therapy, I felt a weight lifted and saw things a bit clearer. Seriously, just like the Claritin commercial. Tonight my client had one of those moments and it was beautiful. She was able to see something or be aware of something that she didn't even think was important in the beginning. Just like when you watch a movie or read a book for the 2nd or 3rd time, you notice something different, there are so many things going on in your life that you may not see right now but they're still there.
Do yourself a favor, attempt to clear whatever dysfunction or clouding layers that you may have in your life so that you can see what's around you and maybe even see if somebody else needs some help.
:)
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Positive Self-Talk
So my last post was about creating the inner voice of your children by changing the way you speak to them. This post is about correcting that inner voice if you were never given the luxury of having a positive voice in the first place. As usual, inspired by this video...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRlpIkH3b5I&feature=youtu.be
A typical running theme throughout many of my sessions tends to be self-esteem and difficulty due to having a negative self-concept. Once this has been established as goal, I usually ask what the inner voice says on a day to day basis. I ask, "What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror?" This is usually followed by, "ugh, I'm so fat. My nose is huge. I have a bulging stomach...yada yada yada."
Can you imagine if people that you saw on a daily basis, said these words to you?! You would be devastated. And yet, when we allow negative self-talk to happen, we are allowing the words to still enter our brain. Usually the next step is to give the assignment to become aware of what type of self-talk each of my clients uses on a daily basis and recognizing how frequently they are putting themselves down. It's ASTONISHING how nasty we can be to ourselves when we start paying attention. This doesn't even have to end with physical characteristics. This can be applied to any ability. The possibilities are endless to make yourself feel horrible! Fantastic right? No. Horrifying. But the good news is, that since we have all of these opportunities to demolish our self-esteem, that means we have an equal opportunity to boost our self-esteem and create an incredible level of confidence.
Next step is usually followed by my saying, "Do you have any idea how often I build myself up throughout the day?" Because it's quite ridiculous. Every time I walk by a mirror I say, "Damn you look good. You just had a baby! I am ridiculously good looking. I can't even help how good looking I am." This sounds so ridiculous right? And how conceded can I possibly be? This is a pep talk. I have realistic views of myself and know that I am not a super model (nor do I want to be) but why shouldn't I be able to say these things to myself! I deserve to hear them and who knows what the day will bring. If someone decides to give me a compliment that day, super; I get a double dose. If someone decides to ATTEMPT to make me feel bad about myself, I've already counter - balanced it with my positive self-talk! Mind you, I said ATTEMPT, because no one has the ability to make me feel bad about myself unless I allow them.
Think I'm insane? Try forcing yourself to say something positive about yourself every time you look in a mirror. Or tell yourself that you are doing an amazing job at work, or being a fantastic parent, or working as hard as you can. It may seem awkward at first but I PROMISE you it will pay off.
Until next time, I'm going to go stare at my beautiful self in the mirror.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRlpIkH3b5I&feature=youtu.be
A typical running theme throughout many of my sessions tends to be self-esteem and difficulty due to having a negative self-concept. Once this has been established as goal, I usually ask what the inner voice says on a day to day basis. I ask, "What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror?" This is usually followed by, "ugh, I'm so fat. My nose is huge. I have a bulging stomach...yada yada yada."
Can you imagine if people that you saw on a daily basis, said these words to you?! You would be devastated. And yet, when we allow negative self-talk to happen, we are allowing the words to still enter our brain. Usually the next step is to give the assignment to become aware of what type of self-talk each of my clients uses on a daily basis and recognizing how frequently they are putting themselves down. It's ASTONISHING how nasty we can be to ourselves when we start paying attention. This doesn't even have to end with physical characteristics. This can be applied to any ability. The possibilities are endless to make yourself feel horrible! Fantastic right? No. Horrifying. But the good news is, that since we have all of these opportunities to demolish our self-esteem, that means we have an equal opportunity to boost our self-esteem and create an incredible level of confidence.
Next step is usually followed by my saying, "Do you have any idea how often I build myself up throughout the day?" Because it's quite ridiculous. Every time I walk by a mirror I say, "Damn you look good. You just had a baby! I am ridiculously good looking. I can't even help how good looking I am." This sounds so ridiculous right? And how conceded can I possibly be? This is a pep talk. I have realistic views of myself and know that I am not a super model (nor do I want to be) but why shouldn't I be able to say these things to myself! I deserve to hear them and who knows what the day will bring. If someone decides to give me a compliment that day, super; I get a double dose. If someone decides to ATTEMPT to make me feel bad about myself, I've already counter - balanced it with my positive self-talk! Mind you, I said ATTEMPT, because no one has the ability to make me feel bad about myself unless I allow them.
Think I'm insane? Try forcing yourself to say something positive about yourself every time you look in a mirror. Or tell yourself that you are doing an amazing job at work, or being a fantastic parent, or working as hard as you can. It may seem awkward at first but I PROMISE you it will pay off.
Until next time, I'm going to go stare at my beautiful self in the mirror.
Monday, August 4, 2014
"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice" -Peggy O'Mara
If you've read my other entries, you know that I am frequently inspired by movies. I'm sure I'm not alone but going to the theater or even watching movies at home, leaves me feeling motivated and energized to either recreate similar feelings I experienced while watching the movie or attempt to inspire someone else. In this case, a two-fold :) This week's inspiration comes from "The Help". I was overcome with emotion at the love that Aibileen, played by Viola Davis, had for the small girl that she looked after. She repeatedly spoke the words, "You is smart, you is kind, you is important." You can see this small child crystalize these words in her brain and she is asked to repeat them back to Aibileen. Even though this child may be an actor, I'm positive those words had an impact on her.
Obviously this movie was way more complex than this one line, but my most recent time watching it, this line stuck out. Following watching the movie, I needed to go give my daughter her last bottle for the night. This includes pulling her out of the crib mid-sleep (I know you think I'm crazy) and popping the bottle in her mouth. It is my favorite time of the day/night that I spend with her. She is confused and takes a minute to get oriented but then realizes that she is in my arms and smiles with sleepy eyes. We slowly go to sit in the big comfy recliner rocking chair and she lays drinking her bottle. Those moments following is where my heart melts. She slowly pushes the bottle away and purses her lips with contentment as she is warm, full, and snuggling. Tonight as she was looking up at me, I decided to whisper, "You are smart, you are kind, you are important." As I finished these words, she slowly batted her eyes again at me and smiled.
I will continue to make this part of my evening routine if not include it multiple times throughout the day. I hope with every part of my being, that these words become a staple in my little girl's brain. I know that the words that she hears out of my mouth will become her inner voice and it is my job to make it a positive one.
I don't care if your child is 45, 4.5, or 4.5 months in utero. It is never too late or too early to begin developing your child's inner voice. I guarantee they need to hear it.
Obviously this movie was way more complex than this one line, but my most recent time watching it, this line stuck out. Following watching the movie, I needed to go give my daughter her last bottle for the night. This includes pulling her out of the crib mid-sleep (I know you think I'm crazy) and popping the bottle in her mouth. It is my favorite time of the day/night that I spend with her. She is confused and takes a minute to get oriented but then realizes that she is in my arms and smiles with sleepy eyes. We slowly go to sit in the big comfy recliner rocking chair and she lays drinking her bottle. Those moments following is where my heart melts. She slowly pushes the bottle away and purses her lips with contentment as she is warm, full, and snuggling. Tonight as she was looking up at me, I decided to whisper, "You are smart, you are kind, you are important." As I finished these words, she slowly batted her eyes again at me and smiled.
I will continue to make this part of my evening routine if not include it multiple times throughout the day. I hope with every part of my being, that these words become a staple in my little girl's brain. I know that the words that she hears out of my mouth will become her inner voice and it is my job to make it a positive one.
I don't care if your child is 45, 4.5, or 4.5 months in utero. It is never too late or too early to begin developing your child's inner voice. I guarantee they need to hear it.
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