As many of my couples say to each other, "Why don't you just get it? Why do you make such a big deal out of nothing? How is this seriously an issue?" What I have found in my own marriage and throughout working with many couples is that the only way we can grow in a relationship, is accepting that whatever opinion or view someone has is not wrong or invalid, but 100% truth according to what they know. I already feel as though I'm not being clear. I will never understand my husband completely in terms of his moral background, comfortability, decision making, demeanor, parenting style...yada yada yada but what I can understand completely is that his opinion and understanding of the world is neither wrong nor invalid but may completely different from what I know. All that he can do as well is understand that my perspective is my truth as well.
So you may say, well then where do we go from here? We move towards attempting to understand and respecting their feelings based on trying to learn about where they are coming from. And no this cannot be one-sided. Both people need to work towards understanding each other's opinions. Now once you have figured out each other, guess what? You're not done.
You decide to take on raising a tiny bundle of joy that is now 1000% times more confusing because now you are both responsible for it, have the ideals of both extended families weighing in on how the child should be raised as well as you and your partner attempting to figure out how to do it together. Ohhhh $h*t. Don't back out yet, it's possible. Now that you've mastered attempting to understand your spouse, you can challenge your abilities to understand your in-laws. (Hi In-laws...yeah you're just waiting for me to talk smack huh?) Nope. Not gonna happen. My family and my in-laws are two very different groups of people and that is totally fine. And not even just fine....it's beautiful. My children now are going to have an immense spectrum of influence as to how to view the world and live in it. I'm guessing you may feel the same. And shoot, if not, then you may have an easier time than you think. I know that my in-laws do things that I have trouble understanding but that doesn't mean that they are wrong. Just as I hope that my husband sees that my family is only doing what they think is best as well.
Whatcha got? Oh you think your situation is different? Nope. I don't care if what they are doing is horrendous behavior. Is it appropriate? maybe not. Is it ethical? maybe not. Is it legal? MAYBE NOT! Is it excusable? Absolutely not. But can we attempt to learn about the motivation and seek to find understanding? YES. And this is how we don't lose our minds. I may be overly optimistic and maybe a bit of a hippie but I would like to think that people are inherently good and just got put in the wrong direction at some point in their life.
Talk it out, learn about people and you may actually find that you like more of your family and in-laws than you think.
....I'll be back again with more brain-bursting epiphanies. (sarcasm if you don't know me...this all may be bull$h*t)
