Positive Self-Talk

So my last post was about creating the inner voice of your children by changing the way you speak to them. This post is about correcting that inner voice if you were never given the luxury of having a positive voice in the first place. As usual, inspired by this video...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRlpIkH3b5I&feature=youtu.be

A typical running theme throughout many of my sessions tends to be self-esteem and difficulty due to having a negative self-concept. Once this has been established as goal, I usually ask what the inner voice says on a day to day basis. I ask, "What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror?" This is usually followed by, "ugh, I'm so fat. My nose is huge. I have a bulging stomach...yada yada yada."

Can you imagine if people that you saw on a daily basis, said these words to you?! You would be devastated. And yet, when we allow negative self-talk to happen, we are allowing the words to still enter our brain. Usually the next step is to give the assignment to become aware of what type of self-talk each of my clients uses on a daily basis and recognizing how frequently they are putting themselves down. It's ASTONISHING how nasty we can be to ourselves when we start paying attention. This doesn't even have to end with physical characteristics. This can be applied to any ability. The possibilities are endless to make yourself feel horrible! Fantastic right? No. Horrifying. But the good news is, that since we have all of these opportunities to demolish our self-esteem, that means we have an equal opportunity to boost our self-esteem and create an incredible level of confidence.

Next step is usually followed by my saying, "Do you have any idea how often I build myself up throughout the day?" Because it's quite ridiculous. Every time I walk by a mirror I say, "Damn you look good. You just had a baby! I am ridiculously good looking. I can't even help how good looking I am." This sounds so ridiculous right? And how conceded can I possibly be? This is a pep talk. I have realistic views of myself and know that I am not a super model (nor do I want to be) but why shouldn't I be able to say these things to myself! I deserve to hear them and who knows what the day will bring. If someone decides to give me a compliment that day, super; I get a double dose. If someone decides to ATTEMPT to make me feel bad about myself, I've already counter - balanced it with my positive self-talk! Mind you, I said ATTEMPT, because no one has the ability to make me feel bad about myself unless I allow them.

Think I'm insane? Try forcing yourself to say something positive about yourself every time you look in a mirror. Or tell yourself that you are doing an amazing job at work, or being a fantastic parent, or working as hard as you can. It may seem awkward at first but I PROMISE you it will pay off.

Until next time, I'm going to go stare at my beautiful self in the mirror.

"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice" -Peggy O'Mara

If you've read my other entries, you know that I am frequently inspired by movies. I'm sure I'm not alone but going to the theater or even watching movies at home, leaves me feeling motivated and energized to either recreate similar feelings I experienced while watching the movie or attempt to inspire someone else. In this case, a two-fold :) This week's inspiration comes from "The Help". I was overcome with emotion at the love that Aibileen, played by Viola Davis, had for the small girl that she looked after. She repeatedly spoke the words, "You is smart,  you is kind, you is important." You can see this small child crystalize these words in her brain and she is asked to repeat them back to Aibileen. Even though this child may be an actor, I'm positive those words had an impact on her.

Obviously this movie was way more complex than this one line, but my most recent time watching it, this line stuck out. Following watching the movie, I needed to go give my daughter her last bottle for the night. This includes pulling her out of the crib mid-sleep (I know you think I'm crazy) and popping the bottle in her mouth. It is my favorite time of the day/night that I spend with her. She is confused and takes a minute to get oriented but then realizes that she is in my arms and smiles with sleepy eyes. We slowly go to sit in the big comfy recliner rocking chair and she lays drinking her bottle. Those moments following is where my heart melts. She slowly pushes the bottle away and purses her lips with contentment as she is warm, full, and snuggling. Tonight as she was looking up at me, I decided to whisper, "You are smart, you are kind, you are important." As I finished these words, she slowly batted her eyes again at me and smiled.

I will continue to make this part of my evening routine if not include it multiple times throughout the day. I hope with every part of my being, that these words become a staple in my little girl's brain. I know that the words that she hears out of my mouth will become her inner voice and it is my job to make it a positive one.

I don't care if your child is 45, 4.5, or 4.5 months in utero. It is never too late or too early to begin developing your child's inner voice. I guarantee they need to hear it.