Alright, if you're a husband, hear me out. My posts tend to be about themes that I have seen in my practice with a dabble of personal experience as well. Recently I have had a flurry of new moms (maybe because they see I keep popping out kids). A common frustration that I hear is the assumed responsibility that is given to the mother to manage care of the children. Doesn't sound like too crazy of a thought though right? It's not. It's innate, we're good at it and have trouble stopping ourselves. But when not given careful attention it can be extremely frustrating to a mother that is attempting to mentally manage a million things at once.
For example, I decided that I would like to work part time and my husband decided that he would like to continue working full time after we had children. If I have a meeting come up or a conference that I would like to attend, it is my responsibility to secure child care in my absence. If my husband has a meeting to attend or a conference he'd like to go to, it is assumed that I will be covering the childcare. Not an unfair assumption but again, something to be mindful of. If I have something come up that I would like my sitter to stay longer and she can't, I have to miss out. If my husband has something come up, it's a guarantee that either myself or the sitter will already be covering childcare.
This may not look exactly the same in your relationship and maybe not even close. I would guess however that even full time working moms are the ones that are packing the daycare bag for the next day before bed and waking in the middle of the night to soothe the cries of the little ones. This post is not to bash any dads and call you out for not doing enough. It wouldn't hurt however to do an inventory on what each other is taking care of without even realizing it.
A double standard often plays out as well. My husband is a great partner in crime when it comes to our family. He does the grocery shopping, I do the cooking (tragic mistake). We share the cleaning and laundry when he's not working and he often takes the kids out places by himself. Based on the looks and feedback I hear, you would have thought the man sh!t gold. "Oh my gosh, he does so much!" "You are so lucky to have him!" False. We are lucky to have each other. Yes he's wonderful but good lord, he's just being a dad. You throw a mom in that scenario and the world would tell her to pick up the pace.
I'm sure there may be some marriages that have worked out these kinks and don't run into this issue at all. I applaud you! ...and not sarcastically either. It is my goal for my own marriage as well as for all of my clients that an awareness be brought to the table that both parents should attempt to be mindful of their children's needs and respect for each other as individuals and co-parents.
