Expectations

To start off, I hope you recognize there is no rhyme or reason to my postings nor is there a schedule. I wait until something strikes me as important to share. I'm passionate about therapy (hopefully right?) and only want to share my thoughts if they are meaningful.

The theme of my sessions and personal life this week has been expectations. Perspective can instantly change how you feel about about a situation or person. It is absolutely incredible how much power each person has if they could recognize how they view the world can change their life. To give a personal example, today is Valentine's Day: a day filled with flowers, chocolates, poems and love letters. We only think of it this way because that is how our society has labeled it and what we have come to expect. Now, brace yourselves because this could be interpreted as incredibly negative but hear me out. What would the world look like if we changed our expectations? What if we didn't expect roses and chocolates or poems or love letters? What if instead we created our own version of excitement? My husband and I decided to get hot wings for dinner on our first Valentine's Day together. I couldn't tell you the explanation for it but for whatever reason, we decided to boycott the flamboyant romantic evening of candles and rose petals and GOT WINGS! Yeeeah! We recreated the expectation for the holiday and created our own perspective of how to celebrate our relationship. Today we "got wings" for the 5th year in a row and plan to get wings for every Valentine's Day for the rest of our lives. Some of you (ahem, my father) might be saying, "Well now you have just changed your expectation to something different and you're going to be disappointed if you don't go next year!" True statement, however, in my opinion, there is a difference between planned tradition and unrealistic expectation.

Traditions are an important part to stability and structure. These I would consider to be realistic expectations due to all parties involved having the same understanding of said events. Unrealistic expectations become problematic when we set standards for others that they may not be able to carry out. Again, GRAYSCALE, there is never a right or wrong answer because then you could argue that you are lowering the bar or not believing in others to succeed to whatever standard is set! Have I lost you yet? Meditations of a therapist, I could go on forever...

To make myself clear, we have to observe our thoughts to recognize what expectations we set for others and recognize if these standards are merely setting ourselves up for disappointment or do we need to change our perspective.

Example:

Expectation - "My boyfriend is going to get me a bouquet of Lilies (because he knows me so well...duh!) and then probably take me out to a super nice dinner."

Result -"My boyfriend got me roses for Valentine's day...He knows my favorite flower is a Lily! Ugh, so disappointing"

Altered Expectation - "It would be really sweet if my boyfriend got me something but I know he's been working all day.. I wonder what I could get HIM for Valentine's Day" (Focus only on what you can control - See Post 1)

Altered Result - "Oh my gosh! I can't believe he took time to get me flowers even though he was so busy! I hope he enjoys what I got him!"

When we change our expectations and alter our perspective on situations, our entire feeling world can change and we can come to appreciate what we receive, or Hell, even feel better about giving to others rather than focusing on receiving.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone...

Expect Nothing...Be Grateful for Everything and in the mean time.. All we can do is keep breathing...